I am insecure in many things, but one thing I never doubt is my intellect. I am so unabashedly confident in my brainpower that I sometimes feel pretty certain that this is one of my faults. I am not much of a self-starter. I really, truly, want to be, but I just am not. I need to be held accountable to someone or someplace. When I am held accountable to a task for which I am qualified, my work is equal to or better than the work of any other able person. I’m sure you get it; I have sincere confidence in my work. Please don’t misunderstand: I don’t boast too often, but I do feel genuinely as though I am very able in the things I do and the work I produce. Why, then, have I encountered such periods of utter uncertainty lately? It can’t be that I didn’t have logical thought processes, right? The only reasonable explanation I have invented thus far is that I must have been/am experiencing the quarter-life crisis. It’s kinda bad news that I’ll only live to be eighty-eight, but what can you do? I’m taking the time to note my quarter-life crisis’ steps because I didn’t recognize that I was entering this mania when I first began.

It was January. I was working in a job that was a terrible fit for me (by this point I had given up hope that I might become qualified and succeed in my position). I was enrolled in the last college course I needed to fulfill my Bachelor of Arts degree. I had been living in the same small town for 2.5 years. I was feeling restless.

In January, I began talking of my need to move. I needed to go live in a concrete jungle (probably not- I find concrete mostly fun to visit but getting well-acquainted in the past hasn’t served me perfectly). I needed to explore. I felt antsy. I felt almost free (from school, I guess? In actuality I have been free for my entire life). I’m not super wise. It was a recipe for disaster. I stopped my job in March. Why? Because I needed to not work there anymore. Why didn’t I get another job? Because I was going to be moving to some crazy (beloved) place like NYC so soon that it would be impractical to get a job. I pride myself in being extremely employable and didn’t want to quit a job after only a couple of months (that’s fair, I think). Also, I was going to write and travel all summer (currently I am involved in the traveling I had planned). So, here I am. It’s June. I have changed my mind over and over. Though I must appear as though I am a total loon as I switch plans sometimes twice in one week, I actually think I’m working my way out of my mess. I think I understand now that I need to switch up my surroundings more frequently than I had been, but this doesn’t necessarily mean I need to move. I need to be far busier and be unafraid to busy myself. I need to live a life that is simple yet satisfying. I need to delve deeper into my connection with the Universe. And that’s all I need. And it’s possible and it will happen. And even though I don’t write as often as I should, even though I change my mind, even though I am not quite what some people wish I were or could be, I’m fine for me. And I will become better and better for me. Life is and should be a constant journey. Never stop growing.

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