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I think it’s safe to say that my sense of self is not fully loaded. I certainly have opinions and am not a bland blob of a human by my own standards, but I don’t really have anything by which I define myself. At least not these days. It’s interesting to write this, because even as I write it, my sense of self is so, I don’t know- fluid?, that I’m not even sure saying that my sense of self isn’t clearly defined is an accurate statement. But I feel this way currently, and it seems highly likely that I have felt this way for quite a span of years. I don’t really understand the cause, aside from broadened horizons. It seems probable to me that this is one of those double-edged sword situations– you’ll have a clearer view of the world!! Oh, but also you’ll probably lose yourself. It’s a fine state of being if you can keep navigating through (and you’ve gotta) but it does feel a lot like metaphorically standing atop a freshly mopped tile floor 24/7.  Arguably it’s the only way to be, but some people seem to embrace it better than I feel I do. I guess being able to step back from this ‘clear (I guess?)’ world view is what’s important. Also, community probably helps. Community seems like a common denominator among the individuals that I have encountered who are able to expertly navigate the turbulent waters in this life. It’s my own fault, of course, that each time I develop a sort of community historically, I seem to distance myself from it. I used to be firmly of the belief that this sort of damage and healing built strength within my soul- that I’d learn lessons and cover more ground in terms of progressing through the many, many situations that human life can offer. Maybe I’m feeling defeat-y today, but is there any real best way to live? When I’m feeling proud, I like to lump myself in with historic figures who were unafraid to explore. And I’m not afraid, but it’s isolating by nature. And isolation just doesn’t always yield happiness. Happiness is all this life is about, though, is it not? That’s the only goal I’ve been able to pinpoint. But I have more depth from subjecting myself to new environments, right? Oh, also, the drama of this perspective, though uncomfortable, is definitely habit-forming. So healthy.

I think a large part of my problem is that I’m too honest these days. At least with myself. For a split second, I wanted to question my definitive statement that I have a problem but then my honesty kicked in once again. I’m going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that almost everyone has a ‘problem’ of one sort or another and that it’s a necessary component of not being dull in the realm of the written word, at least. Though, of course, my pride is too much to admit that my own struggles may be commonplace. So I won’t go that far. In any case, whatever it is that I am referring to runs deeply through my life and is cyclical/deeper as it cycles. Viewing myself with harsh objectivity is a disservice because the world is critical enough of every single being as it is, but I find it to be inevitable as I seek to only improve the lives of those around me. It is by this previous sentence that my life is both defined and wreaked havoc upon. I’m living as a sort of reduced version of who I once was, but the more I learn, the more I feel compelled to reduce. And the reduction isn’t my favorite, but through my relentless honesty with myself, I simply cannot hit the brakes. It’s something I need to fix. I don’t know how. I’ll figure it out.

I’m so proud of having titled this blog Revelations and Ramblings from the start.  I scarcely think there could be a more apt title for all of this… brain blabber, is the only other way to describe it. As always, thanks for your time.

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I feel compelled to talk about comparisons. It seems to me that my many so-called revelations are not so very complex, but while simple, they have, for the most part, eluded me before I’ve come here to write about them (truth be told, even some of my past revelations require a re-read by yours truly, since it’s my timeless tendency to forget to sustain reason on emotional issues). So forgive me if my writings seem obvious and absurd, but after all, on this never-visited blog, I’m pretty clearly writing to conquer the task that is teaching myself.

There’s a bit of rhetoric out there in day-to-day life with instruction on how a person should compare: “don’t compare yourself to others” and “your only competition is yourself” most readily come to mind. To recognize yourself as distinct from your peers and thus incomparable is certainly a fair statement. Despite the fact that I think such a statement tends to inspire the exact type of comparison it’s speaking against- had said thought-process not already been present in the mind of the recipient- I’m going to go ahead and give this mantra a solid thumbs up. It is both cruel and short-changing to oneself should s/he be of the mindset that his or her experience on this planet is so closely aligned with another’s that a comparison be warranted. The second mantra, though, is something I really think warrants a discussion. Maybe not on the surface, but when given the slightest bit of critical thought, the casual observer will understand that this mantra is still preaching comparisons. A person owes it to him/herself to understand that s/he will not always be in the same proverbial ‘place’ s/he might once have been. Therefore, his or her best will not be what it might have been at another time. Whether or not the current “best” is societally accepted as improved, it is still the top output the momentary individual can offer, and there should be a lot to be said of that. This is good news, generally speaking. Multiple perspectives in each human are exactly what enable a not just tolerant, but celebratory society. That’s a win for humankind if I ever saw one. Embrace new perspectives, embrace the fact that your “best” will not always be the same, or even comparable to what it once was because it will be entirely different. Life is not a stagnant and straight developing line on a graph; thank God for small favors. There is so much beauty to being able to give your all to different situations, people, whatever, and to truly be able to give your all because you’ve never been this version of you before. Too, the versions you’ve given at other points in your life are forever gifts, unique to the scenario in which they were given and never to be taken back. Be grateful, be brave, look to the future with hope and peace for all it sends in your direction.

Here I am, back at it. It’s been an extremely interesting year. Damaging in a few ways, deeply healing in others. My faith in the Universe is always growing stronger. This is not to say that I don’t doubt myself and feel like conceding from time to time, but only that, from a rational perspective, I find it so incredibly impossible to not feel that everyone’s life is divinely influenced. We may wander from our path, and we’re allowed to without causing it irreparable damage, but we’ll always end up back where we belong; our progression may be accelerated or decelerated by our choices, but there is objective comfort in knowing that ultimately a person will not change what is meant to be.*

I am going to start writing a lot. Writing and communication, those are my strengths. And I’ve been allowing them to weaken. I used to have a stronger, broader vocabulary, and phrasing, even, used to come more simply to me. I’m a bit upset with myself for having slipped, but when you consider my perspective, I think my lax approach is better understood. It’s hard to write things like this and feel like I’m not making excuses for myself. This is something that the world is ready to see from anyone who navigates life differently than they do, because it is human nature to desire to be above someone (the more ‘someones’ the better, to be honest). Well, here’s the deal: everyone is different, everyone experiences like-encounters differently. I don’t know what works for other people, but that isn’t my task; it’s obviously hard enough for me to figure myself out so that’s probably all I should worry about. So let me lay out why it’s been (and is still) so hard for me to put my nose to the grindstone when it comes to developing my natural writing/communication abilities: while I studied (at first Creative Writing) English in university, I have a really hard time coming to believe that these skills actually count as skills. This is a multi-faceted problem. It stems, I think, predominately from some embarrassing inadequacy issues I’ve got. As it is, I can’t separate myself from feeling that communication is just legitimately not a skill which is why I can’t appreciate that it’s my strength. However, when I think about this more broadly, I don’t think there’s anything I could do that I would be able to just uniformly praise. So that’s pathetic. I’m not sure where this is rooted in me. But I think it’s there, even though I really really hate to admit it (I am aware that this probably doesn’t seem like much of an admission if you’ve ever met me). Anyway, folks, there’s nothing I’m about if not growth. So I’m biting the bullet and trying to recognize that I’m *maybe* not actually just a pile of useless flesh. And I’m going to start writing. And writing. And writing. Because while it’s maybe garbage, communication is the foundation of our society and is the means to everything. And though humans are arguably trash (sorry, that sounds pretty harsh), I am one. So even though I’d rather not partake in… anything, really… if I don’t want to die on the streets, I gotta join in this absurd circus.

In conclusion, I’m going to be writing about hella topics. And maybe after I’ve written about 100 posts and feel this weird and gross post is safely buried along with the others that are all emotional and enough to make any self-respecting person *vom*, I’ll share this blog and maybe someone will read some of my work and discover that I’m competent enough to hire. If nothing else, I’m shamelessly more fun than at least 60% of the population so that alone makes me worth hiring (in my unbiased and humble perspective). Anyway, buckle up, kiddos. Can’t wait to ride this thing until I can’t ride no more. Serious eye roll emoji. See ya ~*real real*~ soon.

*Or maybe I’m totally off and this is belief is just something that seems true for me because I’ve been too weak to alter my path. This thought doesn’t feel correct or true in my heart, but I have a great love for disclaimers (read: safety nets), and thus would hate to not provide it to show that the thought has occurred to me.

I haven’t written in a while, but obviously the kind of craziness (or objective truths?) I’ve been writing about all along is always on my mind. At the base of everything, as far as I can tell, is this: virtually everyone I know is deeply emotionally scarred. People manage their damage differently, but I can’t say for certain that any one way is better than another. In my experience, expressing issues from time to time is an okay route in that you may eventually solve some of your problems, but at the same time, if you can push the problems away from you almost entirely, you’ll very likely be doing your functioning self a favor.

I think, for my own purposes, I need to select this route. A person can’t take what most people do or say personally; they’re seeking to fulfill their own needs. My own needs involve helping other people and feeling like those who I have helped are appreciative of my work. Looking to others to fulfill my needs, though, puts stress on them very unfairly; I need to take responsibility for my own happiness. This is easier said than done, and is a long journey, one which I will be on continuously for the rest of my life because of my inherent emotional issues, I’m certain. But this journey is so imperative for me I can’t even explain it to you. In a world where all you’re worth to others is what you provide them, parents jokingly disown you, people leap at opportunities to argue, and the distribution of hugs is considered to be an imposition, all there is for me is to separate myself from the hurt, constantly distribute love, and reward myself. Again, I can’t stress enough how severely I fall short in living these ideals, but at least I know they’re there. I need to take the path, and I will. And, though I will hope that my presence provides goodness in the lives of those I encounter, I will learn to release my concern with whether or not I am perceived well and will kill my desire to find approval in the eyes of those I love. It doesn’t matter if it’s there or not, and it is certainly not there when you seek it.

From these thoughts, I am roundaboutly brought back to my favorite Bible verses. I do not consider myself to be traditionally religious at all, but Matthew 6:1, 6:2, and 6:3 have always really spoken to me: “Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven. So, when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as [they] do… in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” Basically, be good and kind and generous because that’s who you are, not because you want or expect recognition. This is what I have always been trying to implement in my life, but am going to focus on even more as my life continues. It does occur to me that it is contradictory to write about this pursuit on the Internet, which could be accessed by anyone. My only rebuttal to that is that no one views this site, and if someone were to, I find it would be very unlikely that they care about my personal goals. Anyway, that’s all for now. 🙂

Isn’t it challenging when you have convinced yourself of things that may or may not be true? For example, it is a concern of mine that my personality is one with which those I love most will tire. It is hard for me to imagine that I will be a positive part of a truly long-term relationship (10+ years). I think deep-seated insecurities like this cause me to behave erratically from time to time, and thus attempt to become some form of self-fulfilling prophecy. This concern of mine is not unrelated to much of what has been my overall concern for self-improvement recently: I desperately want to become a more positive person. I am able to achieve a fair amount of positivity when making a concentrated effort, but am often still not at the level I hope to someday hold and present naturally. I want positivity for my own benefit, of course, but in the interest of avoiding dishonesty, I must also admit that I want it mostly for the benefit of those I hold and will hold nearest to my heart. Again, I am not yet at my goal level, but I strive to touch the worlds of my immediate family (present and future) in a way that radiates genuine kindness and is uplifting. Again, I know I, too, will benefit from fostering positive thoughts, but the thought of helping my someday husband and children to feel positivity innately is the most satisfying of all. In my own life, I expect I’ll continually fight my own tendency toward dark streaks. The battles are decidedly challenging, but it will absolutely break my heart if I allow my own personal issues to burden those that I value more than the oxygen in my own lungs. If I’m not strong enough to help myself, I don’t believe I have the right at all to attempt to help anyone else.

There is so much negativity around me. I almost feel like identifying negativity as such is somehow projective. It’s almost like those crazy kids who brag all the time about how they ‘don’t like drama’ even though you know damn well that it would be shocking if they, themselves, were not a large contributor to the ‘drama’ that they find so notable. In any case, I find that there are a lot of instances of pessimism and touting the self as superior to specific others or society as a whole in my daily life, and that is something I need desperately to avoid. I realize that ignoring the less-than-ideal traits of others will not change the fact that they exist, but I believe there to be a time and a place to address these issues. These should not be daily and/or hourly conversation topics. At this semi-fragile time on my hopeful road to positivity it’s too easy to latch onto the bad parts of people and/or the world, and I need to be sure I don’t fall into the ravine. I guess, for now, the best advice for me is to remember that I’m my own best friend on this journey, that it is a journey and I need to be proud of myself every step of the way, and that this is a beautiful and limitless undertaking. With my positive outlook and deep, deep love that has rooted itself in Kyle, I will share the most invaluable gift (even if it only has a small influence) I could ever hope to give to the world.

If this is disjointed at all, please forgive me. I am not a nighttime person, it turns out. hah 🙂 Thanks, as always, for your time.

I am insecure in many things, but one thing I never doubt is my intellect. I am so unabashedly confident in my brainpower that I sometimes feel pretty certain that this is one of my faults. I am not much of a self-starter. I really, truly, want to be, but I just am not. I need to be held accountable to someone or someplace. When I am held accountable to a task for which I am qualified, my work is equal to or better than the work of any other able person. I’m sure you get it; I have sincere confidence in my work. Please don’t misunderstand: I don’t boast too often, but I do feel genuinely as though I am very able in the things I do and the work I produce. Why, then, have I encountered such periods of utter uncertainty lately? It can’t be that I didn’t have logical thought processes, right? The only reasonable explanation I have invented thus far is that I must have been/am experiencing the quarter-life crisis. It’s kinda bad news that I’ll only live to be eighty-eight, but what can you do? I’m taking the time to note my quarter-life crisis’ steps because I didn’t recognize that I was entering this mania when I first began.

It was January. I was working in a job that was a terrible fit for me (by this point I had given up hope that I might become qualified and succeed in my position). I was enrolled in the last college course I needed to fulfill my Bachelor of Arts degree. I had been living in the same small town for 2.5 years. I was feeling restless.

In January, I began talking of my need to move. I needed to go live in a concrete jungle (probably not- I find concrete mostly fun to visit but getting well-acquainted in the past hasn’t served me perfectly). I needed to explore. I felt antsy. I felt almost free (from school, I guess? In actuality I have been free for my entire life). I’m not super wise. It was a recipe for disaster. I stopped my job in March. Why? Because I needed to not work there anymore. Why didn’t I get another job? Because I was going to be moving to some crazy (beloved) place like NYC so soon that it would be impractical to get a job. I pride myself in being extremely employable and didn’t want to quit a job after only a couple of months (that’s fair, I think). Also, I was going to write and travel all summer (currently I am involved in the traveling I had planned). So, here I am. It’s June. I have changed my mind over and over. Though I must appear as though I am a total loon as I switch plans sometimes twice in one week, I actually think I’m working my way out of my mess. I think I understand now that I need to switch up my surroundings more frequently than I had been, but this doesn’t necessarily mean I need to move. I need to be far busier and be unafraid to busy myself. I need to live a life that is simple yet satisfying. I need to delve deeper into my connection with the Universe. And that’s all I need. And it’s possible and it will happen. And even though I don’t write as often as I should, even though I change my mind, even though I am not quite what some people wish I were or could be, I’m fine for me. And I will become better and better for me. Life is and should be a constant journey. Never stop growing.

Sometimes, I fancy my own human experience as one which must be distinct from most others; I mean, we all tend to think we’re so unlike the others around us. The reason I mention this idea is that it often drives me away from wanting to share pieces of advice that I have found to be practical. My self-opposition when writing pieces like this comes from the desire to not come across as though I, by some miracle, have vast and profound knowledge of how to best live a life, and also to provide information that will be useful to those reading. So, if that makes any sense, on to my point: I think we’ve been societally taught to love improperly.

It seems like we engage in romantic love selfishly. We expect material items, affection, attention; we expect people we love dearly to proclaim their returned love for us. It seems natural, because that’s how it has been taught to us (not that I have found anyone has consciously tried to pass their understanding of love to me). Love, until my recent (bizarre – I’m not really sure how it happened) epiphany, seemed kind of ambiguous, kind of elusive. They always say ‘you’ll know it when you’ve found it’. Okay, maybe. I knew, before I gained my new understanding, that I had and have serious love for my boyfriend. But just because you know you’ve got it doesn’t mean you know how to manage it. Love is a gift. It is a strong bond between (at least in the scenario I am discussing) two people. If you’ve got it, does it really make sense to put pressure on it? To ruin (and maybe dissolve) it with rules and requirements? That isn’t how it grew. That’s how it’s killed. Your options are, as I see it: A) Do your own thing completely: pay for everything, clean everything, endure everything, have no one to share your experience with. B) Do mostly your own thing: pay for most, but not all, things, clean some, but not all, things, have someone to share trials with, have someone to discuss life with. C) Be expectant (heck, it might even be unspoken expectation): expect the one you love to carry much of the total load concerning money, chores, emotional issues, and push them so that they have no desire to share their life with you (your harbored resentment is sure to guarantee that you won’t want to share your life with them, either). Option A leaves you to yourself. Option B leaves you in a partnership where you don’t keep tabs on expected returns on your investment, but instead keep tabs on happinesses and memories you’re collecting with someone you love enough that you live with and see them constantly without (ideally – and in my case) being annoyed. Option C leaves you feeling slighted: like you invested in a stock that is not dependably increasing in value (although it probably is increasing more than you think if you remember to look). Option C makes you combative and unhappy and will likely leave you estranged from someone you were once able to see for hours each day, every day, for months and years on end without becoming so sick of them you never wanted to see their face again. Take a moment to realize how impressive and special that bond is: in my experience, when I had a friend spend the night in my youth, after about day four – despite the fact that they had done nothing wrong – I was ready for them to be out of my line of sight immediately. That doesn’t happen when you love someone romantically. We forget to make this comparison when we are loving with expectation.

True love conquers all. Love that is forgiving, generous, honest, and expects nothing is a gift with true magnanimity, and that is the only love that has a place in a serious relationship. That’s the only way to make it work; if you choose this path, you keep yourself, your partner, and your family’s happiness at its highest. It’s a difficult concept to master, definitely. We have been taught to practice self-preservation, and with that comes some selfishness. Self-preservation is fine, but it has no place in a relationship where your objective is to become one with your partner. Self-preserve together against the world, but not against one another. It’s taken me a long time to learn this, as I’ve mentioned, and I’ve acted completely out of congruence with what I am preaching today in the past. All that we can do is manage the present; I am striving daily to make the changes within myself that are necessary to reach this achievable level of perfect love that I’ve recently come to understand exists. It is a journey that I expect will never be complete: I will always strive to become more of what I need to be to make my current love a perfect love. I am grateful that I have this opportunity and pray I’ll keep it.

It’s easy to mentally imprison ourselves. I have heard so many people acknowledge a personality trait of theirs that they know isn’t desirable, that they are not proud to exhibit, and in the same breath they’ll say ‘but that’s the way I’ve always been’ or ‘I think I do this because of my parents’. Instead of viewing a discovered shortcoming as an opportunity for growth, it seems that it is almost human nature to brush aside and dismiss our flaws (even though we’re still not happy to have them).

Please don’t misinterpret my meaning: humans are flawed creatures. I have plenty of flaws and demons, some of which I’m sure I have not yet fully realized. What I am suggesting, though, is that we not become stagnant creatures. We have so much power to grow and strengthen, but if we want this betterment, we have to choose progress. Developing our best selves is not a simple road. In fact, it is a road without an end. Along the path, there are hills and valleys and smooth patches and forks where we get to select how we wish to continue. We can sit for a bit here and there to take a break when we are weary. If we stumble along the way, there’s truly no harm done. But it’s when we lie down and take a nap that we become ungrateful. We have this beautiful road before us; there are all sorts of discoveries to be made and lessons to be learned. Don’t we owe ourselves, don’t we owe the Universe, don’t we owe those less fortunate to explore?

Please don’t underestimate your potential. Please don’t become complacent. When we dismiss any part of our personality or behavior as something to which we are powerless, we do ourselves a disservice. It is a wonderful world we’re living in: there are places to discover, places to better understand, and there’s so much damage to undo. As with all things, start with yourself. Even small actions, especially once multiplied by millions and billions, can make a world of a difference. Be brave. Never stop moving forward.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my place in society and my part in relationships. You see, I kind of hate to admit these things, but:

A) I am highly sensitive. I think I always have been, but have just recently realized it. I used to be better at reigning in the emotions (or at least I think I was) before my current relationship. My current relationship has been a long one- one for which I am very grateful. My boyfriend is an incredible human being and I love him very much. Maybe it is being in a relationship that has caused me to feel more emotionally vulnerable and expressive (something I’d really love to not be), or maybe it’s just that because I live with and interact so closely with my boyfriend, I feel more self-conscious about expressing my emotions, and therefore notice that I am experiencing them. Writing this makes me feel embarrassed. I am still learning about high sensitivity, but it seems so odd that I realize that I am generally sensitive, but am not sensitive to that fact. Sensitivity seems like a distinct weakness (and is, in my opinion, one of my greatest weaknesses), but since I don’t consider myself weak, I guess it makes sense that I am hesitant in my wanting to identify myself as such in any form.

B) I attract narcissists. (Okay, not uniformly, but if I attract someone, there is a pretty darn good chance that he is a narcissist. Yay.) And I attract them accidentally. And with magnetism- spellbinding, as it’s sometimes called. This, I have regarded as a strength. So much so that, as I type, I wonder if it is a good idea that I am revealing this. (Of course that’s another one of my iffy traits- my generally very honest… too honest, maybe, nature.) I’m not sure I see my appeal from the perspective of those (few) that I attract, but it is strong. And it makes me feel a little guilty, to be honest. Because I feel like, in maintaining a friendship with a person who admires me in a way I don’t reciprocate, I am somehow being manipulative. And I really, truly, 100% don’t want that. But I do want to be friends with people who are very kind to me. I try to make my intentions (or lack thereof) very clear, but also be kind and be a friend to these people. Who doesn’t like to feel appreciated? But again, it concerns me that I am being accidentally encouraging to unrequited feelings. If I felt certainty that I was worsening these people by continuing to communicate with them from time to time, I would readily and quickly halt all interaction with them.

C) I have a tendency to become spellbound. Perhaps this ties into my high sensitivity, but I have found that while I attract people (many of whom it seems are attracted to me for their own benefit- much like leeches) magnetically, I, too, am the type to fall prey to deeply magnetic figures. It is very hard for me when I happen to fall under the spell of someone who is narcissistic, and I believe this has happened twice so far, and hopefully never again. Especially hopefully never again because I can’t say with conviction (although of course I’d like to) that I have broken either of the spells to which I’ve fallen prey.

I have noticed that there are times, many times, when I somehow forget who I am. It sounds really bizarre if you haven’t experienced it, I know. I forget what my strengths and weaknesses are, I forget events that have helped shape me, and probably strangest of all, I sometimes find my own reflection a little foreign (despite the fact that I have looked almost exactly as I currently do for ten years). To best remedy this, I have found taking comprehensive personality tests satisfying. While I sometimes feel like I have forgotten who I am, I always remain myself, and to rediscover this through answering questions and having my answers electronically evaluated, though maybe shallow and strange, has proven to be very soothing for me. Life is such a blessing, such and opportunity for growth. I realize my own personal struggles may be exceedingly bizarre, but I am grateful for the lessons that come with them and feel certain that I am learning, perhaps slowly, all that I am meant to from this elaborate and unending experience.

There once was an apple. It was in its infancy, growing stronger each day. Every once in a while, a bird would come to peck at it as it grew, but the apple was tough and shook the birds off. The apple continued to grow, despite sometimes poor weather conditions, sometimes dull afternoons. The apple was determined and optimistic that one day all inconveniences would fall by the wayside and it would be fully and perfectly grown into its full potential. One day a small human came near the tree the apple grew upon. This human, out of its own frustration with its own inconveniences, took hold of the branches of the tree and began to shake them. The apple was put off by this, as this was likely the worst of all hindrances it had experienced, and yet it persisted in doing all it could to hold on; it was almost time for harvest. Day after day, this human returned to shake the tree. The apple held on as fervently as could be managed, but as it grew riper, it slowly lost its grip. One day, the human returned to give its usual shake. This day, the apple lost its hold and, among a couple of others, fell to the ground. The human, like always, walked away after the shake was over.  While the apple was somewhat disheartened by this eventual failure, it did not lose hope. It held a belief that by some miracle, some force would remove it from the ground. It watched the human return for its daily shakes; it sat and sat, through storms and sun and cold nights alike. One day, the human returned. Instead of shaking the tree as was its usual habit, it sat and wept. One by one, it picked up the apples it had shaken to the ground and tried to polish them off. Some could be saved, but when it got to our apple, once so strong and determined, it found that rot had set in. It was not the apple’s fault- the apple had sat in waiting for many days. Still, the apple felt sorrow, as though it had let the human down as it awaited the human’s selection. Upon seeing the rot, the human reacted with fury and cast the apple to the ground. After a bit of thought, the human picked the apple up once more, but still could not think up a way to improve the situation. The human stared, wallowing in self-pity. And then, gently this time, set the apple down, and walked away.

Just because you can’t think of a way to fix a situation does not mean that it cannot be fixed. Just because you don’t understand your own involvement in a problem doesn’t mean that you have not contributed. Just because you feel and/or act sorry now doesn’t mean you can alter the past.

You have to care. You have to actively seek what you desire. Good things come to those who act.